Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.

You have no control over your cat! You can't say to your cat, "Cat, heel! Stay! Wait! Lie down! Roll over!" 'Cause the cat's just gonna be sitting there going, "Interesting words ... have you finished?" While you're shouting all this to your cat, your dog's next to you, going ... [mimes obeying all commands] "What the hell are you doing? I'm talking to the cat!" "Oh, I'm sorry!"

They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).

That's no good, I can't steal from the fairly well off and give to the moderately impoverished! That's not gonna swing, is it?

I appreciate your applause, but I don't do it for applause. I do it for cash, it's much better.

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.