I always say, 'If you can't give a reason for the banana peel being in the alley, then don't have the comic slide over it.' Do you understand what I mean? First explain how the banana peel got there quickly. And then there's a reason for all the comedy.

I think the most interesting New Yorkers are the people who were not born here.

You can't be funny unless you're tragic, and you can't be tragic unless you're funny.

If somebody doesn't have any talent, get off the stage! You're wasting my time.

It's very disconcerting to start out and to say, "I'm going to tell the truth," and then to realize it's that much trouble.

I'm going to do less performing because I'm tired. It's hard to convince anybody that you're just going to take it easy.

Tony Bennett said to me, "Wow, your talent is amazing." Maybe he's a bore, maybe he's a jerk, but when he said that to me, I didn't need anything more than that.