I always say, 'If you can't give a reason for the banana peel being in the alley, then don't have the comic slide over it.' Do you understand what I mean? First explain how the banana peel got there quickly. And then there's a reason for all the comedy.

Woody Allen is a better actor than anybody from the Actors Studio, and he can be anybody he says he is.

All you have to do is say, 'I'm going home,' and you're the most popular girl at the party.

I care about money, very much. I want it. I don't ever want to be without it. My mother once said about me, 'Elaine has to have money.'

Certain type of actresses get younger instead of older. I always say, 'Only ingenues age.'

I’d like to discover life. Quite frankly I don’t know how to be happy. I have not a clue. I only serve — and I don’t say that with any grandeur. I just serve others through entertaining. That’s when I am happy. I’m not just delighted with myself when I’m entertaining, but I’m happier than when I’m not.

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease.