There are people who study germs. I believe they are called Germans

Penguins mate for life. Which doesn't really surprise me, because they all look exactly alike. It's not like they're gonna meet a better-looking penguin someday.

One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.

You know how you always expect someone to think the same as you and then your like, really shocked when they don't? Like when it's a cold day and you turn to the person next to you and say, 'Its so cold, aren't you cold?' and then they say 'no.' It's kinda like, 'what, are you a communist?'

When the message out there is so horrible that, to be gay, you can get killed for it... we need to change the message!!

Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink.

You know that song that asks, "Why do fools fall in love?"? I think the obvious answer is because they're fools.