The song 'If I Had a Hammer' is geared toward people who don't have a hammer. Maybe before I had a hammer I thought I'd hammer in the morning and hammer in the evening. But once you get a hammer, you find you don't really hammer as much as you thought you would.

I cannot believe they haven't yet come up with a better screening process than the mammogram. If a man had to put his special parts inside a clamp to test him for anything, I think they would come up with a new plan before the doctor finished saying, "Put that thing there so I can crush it.

Sometimes when I am driving I get so angry at inconsiderate drivers that I want to scream at them. But then I remember how insignificant that is, and I thank God that I have a car and my health and gas. That was phrased wrong-normally you wouldn't say, thank God I have gas.

Haiku sounds like I'm Saying hi to someone named Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello.

I think beauty comes from actually knowing who you are. That's real beauty to me.

Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.

Quick decision makers are often stuck behind annoying people in line at Starbucks.