I'm a comedian, and I definitely see the humor in a lot of things. I am also sad a lot. I cry often and easily. I think you're supposed to feel all kinds of things.

If we don’t want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we’re stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions.

[Airline food] is the tiniest food I've ever seen in my entire life. Any kind of meat that you get - chicken, steak, anything - has grill marks on each side, like somehow we'll actually believe there's an open-flame grill in the front of the plane.

So, I bought a new CD and I was trying to get it open but couldn't with all the layers... I mean plastic and then tape, and the tape is like government tape. It says 'open here.' Is that sarcasm?

Something big happened over the weekend. Something that affects everybody, all over the world. George Clooney got married.

Did you ever feel like the whole world was going to a party and your invitation got lost in the mail?

You know how you always expect someone to think the same as you and then your like, really shocked when they don't? Like when it's a cold day and you turn to the person next to you and say, 'Its so cold, aren't you cold?' and then they say 'no.' It's kinda like, 'what, are you a communist?'