Quick decision makers are often stuck behind annoying people in line at Starbucks.

I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.

Beauty isn’t between a size zero and a size eight, it is not a number at all. It is not physical.

I cannot imagine not going home to animals. They are the closest thing to God. They don't harbour resentment.

Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain,you hear what they're saying and that boosts your health and happiness. "Knock Knock... Who's There?.. Little endorphin... Little endorphin who?... Little Endorphin Annie." And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science.

The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head.

When your heart is broken, when your heart has cracks in it, it lets the light in.