Something big happened over the weekend. Something that affects everybody, all over the world. George Clooney got married.

Then you have these people in the movie theaters that talk the whole time during the movie. You ever go with somebody like that to a movie but you don't realize until you get there that you're with somebody like that? Brand new movie. First day it's open. You're there together and the entire time they're sitting there: Where's she going? Why'd he do that? Is he mad at her? I don't know, let's watch and find out together shall we? You know who you are. You're denying it right now: I do not do that. Why is she saying that?. What's she gonna say next?

Asking who's the 'man' and who's the 'woman' in a same-sex relationship is like asking which chopstick is the fork.

You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's expense. It's sarcasm; it's nasty. Kids grow up hearing that, and they think that's what humor is, and they think it's OK. But that negativity permeates the entire planet.

The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head.

Why can't rappers just say nice things? Like I wanna take your clothes off and hang them up in the closet real nice.

The first person I learned I could make happy with laughter was my mother, whom I idolize. It was a powerful thing to realize. I knew I had found my life's work.