Something big happened over the weekend. Something that affects everybody, all over the world. George Clooney got married.

Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor.

Normally, I try not to pay attention to my haters, but this time I'd like to talk about it, because my haters are my motivators.

The way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.

I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?

You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's expense. It's sarcasm; it's nasty. Kids grow up hearing that, and they think that's what humor is, and they think it's OK. But that negativity permeates the entire planet.

It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.