I think people need to laugh everyday. Whether the economy is good or bad, I think the most important thing is to laugh and to feel positive, if you are laughing at something positive. But if you are laughing at mean jokes then it's a wash.
Ellen DeGeneresI cannot believe they haven't yet come up with a better screening process than the mammogram. If a man had to put his special parts inside a clamp to test him for anything, I think they would come up with a new plan before the doctor finished saying, "Put that thing there so I can crush it.
Ellen DeGeneresYou know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.
Ellen DeGeneresThe most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity and to not give in to peer pressure to try to be something that you're not.
Ellen DeGeneresAnd the bottom line is we are who we are-we look a certain way, we talk a certain way, we walk a certain way. I strut because Iโm a supermodel, and sometimes I gallop for fun. When we learn to accept that, other people learn to accept us. So be who you really are. Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless youโre a serial killer.
Ellen DeGeneresWay, way back in the day, like in the 1990s, if you wanted to tell everyone you ate waffles for breakfast, you couldnโt just go on the Internet and tweet it out. There was only one way to do it. You had to go outside and scream at the top of your lungs, 'I ate waffles for breakfast!' Thatโs why so many people ended up in institutions. They seemed crazy, but when you think about it, they were just ahead of their time.
Ellen DeGeneres