That woman in the shampoo commercial - she's happy. She's... she's too happy.

Sometimes something being taken away from you is exactly what you need to take a look at yourself.

You say you're sick and tired of hearing about me? I've got news for you: I'M sick and tired of hearing about me.

The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.

Then you have these people in the movie theaters that talk the whole time during the movie. You ever go with somebody like that to a movie but you don't realize until you get there that you're with somebody like that? Brand new movie. First day it's open. You're there together and the entire time they're sitting there: Where's she going? Why'd he do that? Is he mad at her? I don't know, let's watch and find out together shall we? You know who you are. You're denying it right now: I do not do that. Why is she saying that?. What's she gonna say next?

I think furniture is art. I don't think art is just for your walls - I think everything that someone has made is a piece of art.

There's lotion for your face, for your hands, for your feet, for your body. Why? What would happen if you put hand lotion on your feet? Would your feet get confused and start clapping? Each kind has something special in it - aloe, shea butter, coconut, cocoa butter, vanilla, lemon extract. That's not lotion. That's one ingredient short of a Bundt cake.