It would be horrible to live with someone who didn't like the same things you like.

When life gives you lemons....they could really be oranges.

All of my friends were seeing a therapist, and I thought something was wrong with me that I didn't see a therapist. So I went to a therapist to find out why I wasn't seeing a therapist. And it turns out I'm very screwed up. Thank God I found a therapist to tell me for $125 an hour.

When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, "You may regret this," would have been fine.

I hope I make people feel better. I hope I take people out of their situations a little bit and make them happier. That's really why I do what I do.

I get to do stand-up every single day. I love that live energy exchange between the audience and myself, and to get to say the things I want to say and comment on.

I've learned 2 things about tv. It's always easier with vodka & SOME OF THE BEST SINGERS ARE FROM THE PHILIPPINES