I know that experts say you're more likely to get hurt crossing the street than you are flying, but that doesn't make me any less frightened of flying. If anything, it makes me more afraid of crossing the street.

Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.

I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity.

Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink.

If we don’t want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we’re stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions.

Being a teenager and figuring out who you are is hard enough without someone attacking you.

All we have is here and now. That's why procrastination feels so right. Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution.