What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out.

When people show me clothing that seems very, very feminine, it's hard for me to embrace that, because it just doesn't feel like me.

Have you ever thought about toothpaste? Ellen has! And she makes a point about all of the types of toothpaste that Colgate offers!

You're gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance.

There's lotion for your face, for your hands, for your feet, for your body. Why? What would happen if you put hand lotion on your feet? Would your feet get confused and start clapping? Each kind has something special in it - aloe, shea butter, coconut, cocoa butter, vanilla, lemon extract. That's not lotion. That's one ingredient short of a Bundt cake.

Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.

Asking who's the 'man' and who's the 'woman' in a same-sex relationship is like asking which chopstick is the fork.