I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that.

I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.

And now I've got to explain the smell that was in there before I went in there. Does that ever happen to you? It's not your fault. You've held your breath, you just wanna get out, and now you open the door and you have to explain, 'Oh! Listen, there's an odor in there and I didn't do it. It's bad.

I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day.

It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.

Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.

I'm glad I'm funny. I'm glad I make people happy, because that's very important. But I'm proud to be known as a kind person.