Etiquette-a fancy word for simple kindness.

Under pressure, people admit to murder, setting fire to the village church or robbing a bank, but never to being bores.

[On the British Museum:] It was manifestly impossible to read all the books in that huge, gloomy structure, but I made a good try and accumulated a fund of useless information guaranteed to cast a pall over any dinner table.

Fight fire with fire. If you must have bores, always put them together or at the same table ... bores have an effervescent chemical reaction on one another at a party. They invariably have a marvelous time trading banalities in the absence of competition. Clichés roll trippingly off the tongue like sparkling epigrams and trite observations acquire depth sinking into receptive minds.

Someone has said that life itself is a party: you join after it's started and you leave before it's finished.

Serve the dinner backward, do anything - but for goodness sake, do something weird.

Bores put you in a mental cemetery while you are still walking.