The secret of my success is that no woman has ever been jealous of me.

Serve the dinner backward, do anything - but for goodness sake, do something weird.

[On the British Museum:] It was manifestly impossible to read all the books in that huge, gloomy structure, but I made a good try and accumulated a fund of useless information guaranteed to cast a pall over any dinner table.

Giving parties is a trivial avocation, but it pays the dues for my union card in humanity.

Fight fire with fire. If you must have bores, always put them together or at the same table ... bores have an effervescent chemical reaction on one another at a party. They invariably have a marvelous time trading banalities in the absence of competition. Clichés roll trippingly off the tongue like sparkling epigrams and trite observations acquire depth sinking into receptive minds.

Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can.

Only those who have earned leisure know how to use it profitably.