What hurts this person is not the occurrence itself, for another person might not feel oppressed by this situation at all. What is hurting this person is the response he or she has uncritically adopted. It is not a demonstration of kindness or friendship to the people we care about to join them in indulging in wrongheaded, negative feelings.
EpictetusIn life our first job is this, to divide and distinguish things into two categories: externals I cannot control, but the choices I make with regard to them I do control. Where will I find good and bad? In me, in my choices.
EpictetusNothing truly stops you. Nothing truly holds you back. For your own will is always within your control.
EpictetusAny person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.
Epictetus