I used to have a house in London, but couldn't face 20 more years of St John's Wood in the rain.

I've got soggy thighs. It must be dinner time.

Know what I mean? Eh, eh, Nudge nudge, Say no more?

Never do things for money. It's always the things you do for love that turn out to pay the best.

You could write a joke in the pub at lunchtime and watch it performed on television that evening.

I live in a Spanish-style hillside home in Los Angeles, California. I paid $900,000 in 1995. It's perhaps worth about $3m now. Thankfully, I paid off my mortgage before the crash because I could see it coming. I worried that I would be caught having to pay off a very high mortgage for a house I couldn't sell.

Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer.