I won't read scripts because I have a limited amount of time. Why should I help other people do lame stuff when I can just go out and put on lame stuff of my own?

I'm not really a celebrity; I'm just vestigially left over from doing stuff from before.

Nobody gets irony anymore, as we are now living in the post-ironic age. Once George Bush gets a library, our irony is dead.

What's brown and sounds like a bell? DUNG!

I liked doing live things, and with the Circus we had a live audience.

Subversion is what I do.

John Cleese once told me he'd do anything for money. So I offered him a pound to shut up, and he took it.