I won't read scripts because I have a limited amount of time. Why should I help other people do lame stuff when I can just go out and put on lame stuff of my own?

The dreadful thing about getting older is you cry at the drop of a hat.

I will jump on anybody's private plane at the drop of a hat. I'm an old-fashioned lower-middle-class boy.

Even if you've written something for print, I think it's good to try [it] out on someone because it changes. You can think it's hilarious and they can tell you it's not.

No day of my life passes without someone saying the words 'Monty Python' to me. It's not bad.

Life has a very simple plot: first you're here and then you're not.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.