I mentioned that I was thinking of getting out of the business after Call Me Madam. I thought maybe I should become a homebody.

There have been people who have tried to take advantage of me. They want to be linked to me just because I'm Ethel Merman.

Always give them the old fire, even when you feel like a squashed cake of ice.

I wouldn't trust any man as far as you can throw a piano

When I'm asked how to succeed in show business, I always say I haven't the foggiest

My father taught me to read music and play the piano-but not well, even though people have said that I'm a natural musician

I remember Tallulah (Bankhead) telling of going into a public ladies' room and discovering there was no toilet tissue. She looked underneath the booth and said to the lady in the next stall, 'I beg your pardon, do you happen to have any toilet tissue in there?' The lady said no. So Tallulah said, 'Well, then, dahling, do you have two fives for a ten?'