Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown, and they only want you to make them laugh.

I never liked the men I loved, and never loved the men I liked.

For ten thousand dollars, I'd endorse an opium pipe.

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be.

Without love it is like having a good song without an audience.

Esther Williams? Wet, she's a star. Dry, she ain't.

Men always fall for frigid women because they put on the best show.