In other countries, congenital introverts simply remain introverts all their lives, neither advancing nor retreating, but America's commitment to extroversion as a national art form can abrade some naturally aloof personalities until they flower into deadly nightshade.

For men who want to flee Family Man America and never come back, there is a guaranteed solution: homosexuality is the new French Foreign Legion.

True nostalgia is an ephemeral composition of disjointed memories.

Real feminism is spinsterhood. It's time America admitted that old maids give all women a good name.

I don't mind being regarded as perverted and unnatural, but I would die if people thought I was a Democrat.

There's something unrefined about a reading woman, they always reek of the lamp. How can she grow up to be a lady if she's always got her nose in a book? Granny Rudin

In social matters, pointless conventions are not merely the bee sting of etiquette, but the snake bite of moral order.