Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.

Marriage entitles women to the protection of a strong man who will steady the stepladder while they paint the kitchen ceiling.

Now people need special costumes to ride bicycles. I mean, a helmet, what, are you an astronaut??

It is, in fact, safe to assume that, more often than not, life imitates craft, for who among us can say that our experience does not more closely resemble a macramé plant holder than it does a painting by Seurat. When it comes to art, life is the biggest copycat in the matter of the frame.

Maybe it's superficial to exude a sense of confidence in one's clothes. But it's also integral. We have an appearance. Not all of us are beautiful. But we can appear fine looking. So we should. Feeling good about an outfit is the point at which that outfit finally becomes good.

Things that people will say to me, mostly, is that you shouldn't have all these books. It's too expensive.

I drank my lifetime supply of alcohol and I took my lifetime supply of drugs between the ages of 15 and 19.