People who get married because they're in love make a ridiculous mistake. It makes much more sense to marry your best friend. You like your best friend more than anyone you're ever going to be in love with. You dont choose your best friend because they have a cute nose.

I woke up at five o'clock in the morning with the whole first paragraph in my head. Now, this just shows what a slothful person I am: I tried to go back to sleep.

Life was certainly more entertaining when people were indulging their vices as opposed to going to meetings to indulge in a new vice: discussing their innermost thoughts in public.

Your responsibility as a parent is never great as the case is with the mother.

Now people need special costumes to ride bicycles. I mean, a helmet, what, are you an astronaut??

In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.