It's much easier to write a solemn book than a funny book. It's harder to make people laugh than it is to make them cry. People are always on the verge of tears.

The first people who died of AIDS were artists. They were the most interesting people.

Polite conversation is rarely either.

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.

If people don't hold grudges, it means they just don't care what people do.

Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.

A great many people in Los Angeles are on special diets that restrict their intake of synthetic foods. The reason for this appears to be a widely held belief that organically grown fruits and vegetables make the cocaine work faster.