Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

If you don't have children and you don't have a job, you have time for friendship ... People who have jobs are not the best friends to have. It's better to be friends with people who are unemployed.

I have a hard time writing. Most writers have a hard time writing. I have a harder time than most because I'm lazier than most. I don't want to brag, but I'm the laziest person I have ever known.

Presently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is in great demand. This is the day of the milligram.

People always say "pop culture." As if we have some high culture to distinguish it from.

Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.

Marriage entitles women to the protection of a strong man who will steady the stepladder while they paint the kitchen ceiling.