You can be nasty when you are young, but you really have to be older to achieve bitterness.

I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don't know won't hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

It would also have been helpful to have gone to a Catholic grammar school. The only people who know grammar are those people who went to Catholic grammar school. Those nuns beat it into them.

I hate all jobs. I've never had a job I liked.

There is one thing that has disappeared, not just from the U.S. but from the entire world, is the idea of ever being embarrassed by anything.