Never allow your child to call you by your first name. He hasn't known you long enough.
Fran LebowitzI stopped taking drugs when I was 19, and who wants to drive a cab around New York with drugs in their car?
Fran LebowitzA dog who thinks he is a man's best friend is a dog who obviously has never met a tax lawyer.
Fran LebowitzEven if people aren't Republicans, it doesn't seem shocking to them that Ronald Reagan was the president. Well of course, because Arnold Schwarzenegger was the governor! This is not only a bar too low, this is no bar at all. I don't care who you are, you know 20 people smarter than Ronald Reagan. You know 20 people who would be a better president than Ronald Reagan.
Fran Lebowitz