Civilised adults do not take apple juice with dinner.

If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.

Breakfast cereals that come in the same colors as polyester leisure suits make oversleeping a virtue.

If people don't hold grudges, it means they just don't care what people do.

You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.

I write so slowly, I could write with my own blood and not hurt myself.