All of television's appalling, but this is hardly a new statement.

Telling someone he looks healthy isn't a compliment -- it's a second opinion.

Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motion picture star. If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use the word "collectible" as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success.

Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

The other day I read that last year 58 million tourists came to New York ... where a puny eight million people are trying to live. Unless they own a hotel chain, I don't think a single one of these eight million people are happy about this.

Instead of writing it wrong six times and then writing it right, I think it wrong six times and then write it right the seventh time.

remember this: no matter how politely or distinctly you ask a Parisian a question he will persist in answering you in French.