[Friendships] are easy to get out of compared to love affairs, but they are not easy to get out of compared to, say, jail.

Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

No one's supposed to be the president. This is not England. And it's not just the Bush family, all families designate each child as having some particular trait.

Your grandparents did not endure the indignities of a steerage journey to Ellis Island so that you could stand outside a discothèque and beg a wallpaper designer to take you in with him.

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.

Marriage entitles women to the protection of a strong man who will steady the stepladder while they paint the kitchen ceiling.

I have the exact opposite problem of every writer I've ever met: Every writer I've ever met writes things that are too long, and they have to edit them down.