I had to go on TV with the president of the Catholic League, which is not an official organization at all, just a lot of Catholics, or maybe it's just this guy. He demanded to de-fund art completely and argued that taxpayers should not pay for it. I said people who represent the Catholic Church shouldn't talk about taxes.

The first time I ever saw platform shoes in the '70s, I knew they'd been revived from the '40s, and I felt sickened. And for whatever reason, they keep getting revived. They've come back four times. I wish we could let them die. They want to die. They were horrible then, they're horrible now.

Marriage entitles women to the protection of a strong man who will steady the stepladder while they paint the kitchen ceiling.

I walk a lot in New York, not for the exercise but to get from place to place, and because it's the way of having the least contact with human beings.

A great many people in Los Angeles are on special diets that restrict their intake of synthetic foods. The reason for this appears to be a widely held belief that organically grown fruits and vegetables make the cocaine work faster.

I never would start writing before midnight and I would finish at, like, seven in the morning.

Life is so absurd now that it is almost impossible to be a satirist in this era.