Think before you speak. Read before you think.

Telling someone he looks healthy isn't a compliment -- it's a second opinion.

Life was certainly more entertaining when people were indulging their vices as opposed to going to meetings to indulge in a new vice: discussing their innermost thoughts in public.

There were a zillion bad jobs. That doesn't exist any more. I mean, I could wake up one afternoon with zero money and know that by the end of the day, I would have money.

American women think that clothes fit them if they can fit into them. But that's not at all what fit means.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Until I was about 7, I thought books were just there, like trees. When I learned that people actually wrote them, I wanted to, too, because all children aspire to inhuman feats like flying. Most people grow up to realize they can't fly. Writers are people who don't grow up to realize they can't be God.