There's no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn't be lovelorn.

I've never seen the Kardashians; I'm not sure who they are. But I know a lot about them because it's impossible not to.

Smoking is, as far as I am concerned, the entire point of being an adult. Many people find smoking objectionable. I myself find many - even more - things objectionable. I do not like aftershave lotion, adults who roller-skate, children who speak French, or anyone who is unduly tan. I do not, however, go around enacting legislation and putting up signs.

When I started publishing, I got offers to write for big magazines. But I would always say, "Well, it's not that I don't want to write for these big magazines, but you can't edit it."

If people don't want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?

I hate academic mysteries. As soon as I come across the word 'don' and it's not someone's first name, I close the book.

Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.