I have always preferred the company of older people. No one in the history of the world has had less interest in the young than I do. I am not interested in what young people are thinking. They're thinking less than old people, of course. I mean, what could they be thinking? And what are they doing? They're doing the same stupid things you did.

The first time I ever saw platform shoes in the '70s, I knew they'd been revived from the '40s, and I felt sickened. And for whatever reason, they keep getting revived. They've come back four times. I wish we could let them die. They want to die. They were horrible then, they're horrible now.

I drank my lifetime supply of alcohol and I took my lifetime supply of drugs between the ages of 15 and 19.

I'm sure that being sober all these years accounts for my ill humor.

Presently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is in great demand. This is the day of the milligram.

No one earns $100 million. You steal $100 million.

How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses.