What do they do in these [private] clubs, anyway? Sit around saying things like 'Thank God I'm here. No Jews! What fun! This is living, huh? Look! No Jews! I don't know when I've had a better time. And no women! Just men! And no blacks! Just whites! White men! White men who are not Jewish! It doesn't get any better than this.' To some people, apparently, this is a perfect description of injustice. To me, this is a perfect description of a gay bar in Iceland.
Fran LebowitzI'm a horrible girlfriend. I always was. I'm great at the beginning, because I can be very romantic.
Fran LebowitzThe good thing about being in someone else's apartment is it's so much easier to leave than it is to get someone out.
Fran LebowitzNever allow your child to call you by your first name. He hasn't known you long enough.
Fran LebowitzScience has done absolutely nothing about noise. The worst design flaw in the human body is that you can't close your ears. The reason you can't close your ears is, if a lion was coming, you had to wake up. Today no lions are coming. Beeping trucks are coming. I read the other day that the guy who invented the beep when trucks go backward, he died. I thought: Of course - he dies, I have to listen to it.
Fran Lebowitz