I woke up at five o'clock in the morning with the whole first paragraph in my head. Now, this just shows what a slothful person I am: I tried to go back to sleep.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Without these tourists, New York would be fantastic. I don't want them to come. Stay home!

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.

Smoking is, as far as I am concerned, the entire point of being an adult. Many people find smoking objectionable. I myself find many - even more - things objectionable. I do not like aftershave lotion, adults who roller-skate, children who speak French, or anyone who is unduly tan. I do not, however, go around enacting legislation and putting up signs.

If food did not exist it would be well-nigh impossible to get certain types off the phone, as one would be unable to say, 'Look, I've got to run but let's have dinner sometime soon.'

I wish that real estate were cheaper and clothes were more expensive.