Smoking is, as far as I'm concerned, the entire point of being an adult.

If in addition to being physically unattractive you find that you do not get along well with others, do not under any circumstances attempt to alleviate this situation by developing an interesting personality. An interesting personality, is, in an adult, insufferable. In a teenager it is frequently punishable by law.

The only appropriate response to the question, 'Can I be frank?' is, 'Yes, if I can be Barbara.

I believe in talking behind peoples' backs. That way, they hear it more than once.

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.

Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.