You can spend your whole life trying to be popular, but at the end of the day, the size of the crowd at your funeral will be largely dictated by the weather.
Frank SkinnerHow do I relax? This might sound slightly ridiculous but I play the ukulele for at least an hour a day and I find something really blissful about it.
Frank SkinnerProfessional footballers - those virile young stags of our modern culture - are near perpetual fountains of sputum.
Frank Skinner