Cider was my drink because I liked the taste and it made me stupid.
I'm world-famous in West Bromwich.
We're always hearing about risk-takers whose risks paid off, but they are no braver than those whose risks end in ridicule.
A dog is not intelligent. Never trust an animal that's surprised by it's own farts
I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one.
Professional footballers - those virile young stags of our modern culture - are near perpetual fountains of sputum.