I'm world-famous in West Bromwich.
Cider was my drink because I liked the taste and it made me stupid.
We're always hearing about risk-takers whose risks paid off, but they are no braver than those whose risks end in ridicule.
A dog is not intelligent. Never trust an animal that's surprised by it's own farts
Professional footballers - those virile young stags of our modern culture - are near perpetual fountains of sputum.
How do I relax? This might sound slightly ridiculous but I play the ukulele for at least an hour a day and I find something really blissful about it.