I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one.

I'm world-famous in West Bromwich.

A dog is not intelligent. Never trust an animal that's surprised by it's own farts

So, Arsenal have signed Arsene Wenger because his name sounds a bit like the club. How long before Man Utd sign Stefan Kuntz?

I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one.

Cider was my drink because I liked the taste and it made me stupid.

You can spend your whole life trying to be popular, but at the end of the day, the size of the crowd at your funeral will be largely dictated by the weather.