The only difference between a cult and a religion is the amount of real estate they own” “Stupidity has a certain charm - ignorance does not” “My best advice to anyone who wants to raise a happy, mentally healthy child is: Keep him or her as far away from a church as you can” “It would be easier to pay off the national debt overnight than to neutralize the long-range effects of our national stupidity” “Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.

There is no hell. There is only France.

Call any vegetable and the chances are good that the vegetable will respond to you.

Asked random questions about the First Amendment and how they would like to have it applied, if you believe in polls at all, the average American wants no part of it. But if you ask, 'What if we threw the Constitution away tomorrow?' the answer is 'No, that would be bad!' But living under the Constitution is another story altogether.

Ever try to have a conversation with someone on drugs? It just doesn't work.

I'm not black, but there's a whole lot of times I wish I could say I'm not white.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.