What something is depends more on when it is than anything else.

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

The more boring a child is, the more the parents, when showing off the child, receive adulation for being good parents — because they have a tame child-creature in their house.

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.

They tried to make me go to Catholic school, too. I lasted a very short time. When the penguin came after me with a ruler, I was out of there.

King of kings, that must be Elvis.

Producing satire is kind of hopeless because of the literacy rate of the American public.