Nobody looks good bent over. Especially to pick up a check.

If your children ever find out how lame you really are, they'll murder you in your sleep.

You is what you am, a cow don't make ham.

Do we really want to know how Michael Jackson makes his music? No. We want to understand why he needs the bones of the Elephant Man -- and, until he tells us, it doesn't make too much difference whether or not he really is ''bad.

The plumber he says, never flush a tampon. This is great information, cost me half a weeks pay.

We pretend to be a free society, and we pretend to be an adult society, but if you look at the facts, our news is just as contrived, and controlled as Pravda!

I think that people are entitled to be amused, and entertained. If they see deviations from this classical norm, it's probably good for their mental health.