Nobody can write such ironic things unless he has a deep sense of injustice-injustice to those members of the race who are victims of the stupid, the pretentious and the hypocritical.

There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.

There are hundreds who can stand failure to one who can stand success; the good loser is far more common than the good winner.

Drinking is bad taste but tastes good.

There must be a day or two in a man's life when he is the precise age for something important.

If a man keeps his trap shut, the world will beat a path to his door.

I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.