The press is like the peculiar uncle you keep in the attic - just one of those unfortunate things.

One of the biggest lies in the world is that crime doesn't pay. Of course, crime pays.

If I can go from burglar for the government to talk show host, you can go from entertainer to congressman.

The soldiers currently manning our sophisticated weaponry have room temperature IQ's.

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

If you're not a target, you're a failure.

Take, for example, the African jungle, the home of the cheetah. On whom does the cheetah prey? The old, the sick, the wounded, the weak, the very young, but never the strong. Lesson: If you would not be prey, you had better be strong.