Early on when I started talking about my weight, it was self-deprecating; everything was a joke.

I go on the road all the time, but I'm only performing for two hours a night, and then I'll do a meet-and-greet, and then I'll get a bite to eat, get drunk, pass out, wake up the next day, sleeping the next day, sleeping off the hangover, and then I'm in the next city.

The first time I got on stage I was 10 years old and I did impressions. I did cartoon characters and I really got the bug for this life when I saw that people were laughing and saw the attention I was getting.

I'm not on a diet. And it's funny cause people go 'Well, then why do you drink diet soda?' So I can eat regular cake.

When you're a comedian, the Holy Grail is an hour long HBO special.

You gotta hang out with people who have big dreams and believe in that dream.

Hanging out with comics, all they did was make fun of me.