You know what I learned about Hawaiians? They're just blown up Mexicans!

I bought a Hummer before I bought a house, and then I bought a house. Every year, everything doubled. The work was doubling. The money was doubling. The popularity was doubling.

The response you get when you're young like "oh you're just getting laughs because you're a little kid and you're cute". They weren't trying to encourage me at all or tell me to keep pursuing this.

I have very nice cars. I never get to drive them, because I'm never home.

I went up on stage, and said, "Why did the chicken cross the road? To check out the chicks." I was a genius at 10. Try telling that at 21, and you look hacky and stupid. That was the only joke I've ever told. Everything since has been character voices, doing impressions or just telling stories.

People can relate to someone who isn't perfect.

When I go to dance clubs, I always dance with big girls, so we finish at the same time.