We have nearly complete misunderstanding between people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon, and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well. It's when you are trying to convince another person to think the same way that you do that there is friction and trouble between people. But when you feel that the other person is dumber than dirt, too dumb for words - why waste your breath - you get along pretty well. There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.

Being an English major prepares you for impersonating authority.

I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.'

Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child rearing. You don't put kids under surveillance: it might frighten you. Parents should sit tall in the saddle and look upon their troops with a noble and benevolent and extremely nearsighted gaze.

We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.

March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.

Second violins can play a concerto perfectly if they're in their own home and nobody's there.