Humor is not about problems with airline luggage handlers. It's about our lives in America and it's about the ends of our lives and it's about everything that happens after that and everything that happened before.

A romp in the hay lingers like the first line of a song, but your true love is the one you make a life with and write more than a line about, you write a whole book.

The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment; you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You want to be the first to come up with the idea. You don't want to wait until you trip and fall off the stage.

That's why God created marriage, so people wouldn't have to fight with strangers.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

I've seen the truth, and it makes no sense.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.