I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.

Sometimes you have to avoid mentioning things because people's feelings are tender.

March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.

It is more worthy in the eyes of God . . . if a writer makes three pages sharp and funny about the lives of geese than to make three hundred fat and flabby about God or the American people.

Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see, say, thirty cans of tomato sauce and a five-pound bag of rice, I get a little thrill of well-being - much more so than if I take a look at the quarterly dividend report from my mutual fund.

Pumpkin pie is a living symbol of mediocrity. The best pumpkin pie you ever ate wasn't all that much different from the worst pumpkin pie you ever ate.

God plays a lot of jokes on us to get our attention.